As the day ends, and the sun sets, I think about what I've accomplished today. It's only six but it feels like 10 at night! oh and yes, I have done absolutely nothing. I feel like a productivity mishap.
The shower is in the bathroom (where it should be) and it keeps calling me to bathe, but I keep getting distracted or just interested in something that, at the time, seems much more important than hygiene. Why is this? I feel gross and I know that as soon as I step into that show I'll be more than happy (showering is like a very warm and cleansing naked hug); but for some reason I keep avoiding it. Do you know why?
First I think about how I would have to put on clean clothes for only three or four more hours before I change into pajamas again. And, then how it might be cold outside and my wet hair would make me sick. Then I think about the other things I could be accomplishing whilst I take a shower, which don't end up happening. Maybe I'm just lazy. But then it came to me.
Oh no. I have shower anxiety.
It sounds exponentially moronic in my opinion. I realize that isn't the real problem. I'm just kidding myself to think that I might be scared of taking showers. Are there people who do get frightened at the thought of bathing? I feel bad for them.
No, what it is in all actuality is test anxiety. This week is final week here in college and I feel less than prepared. However I do not feel that I could even begin to prepare myself at this point, which leaves me feeling horribly distraught, stressed out, and hopeless.
I know I need to just start studying. But for some reason I can't kick myself quite hard enough to get it done! It's so very silly. I end up being even less prepared by not looking over the material at all which definitely increases my chances of failing, which is the very thing I'm afraid of.
God, it's a cycle I can't seem to break free from. And that is why I can't shower! I know that once I feel clean and good on the outside I will have no reason to keep putting off the studying. (my friend calls this zen of the mind). When I clean or organize my physical, tangible world, I feel better prepared to do things that require the mental realm of accomplishment.
Ugh. I guess that means it's time to shower.
