Why is it that I am so weak willed? Outside of the situation I'm confident I know what needs to be done. I have decided. But once there, I totally lose it. I doubt. I cower. And finally I fold.

But how do you know if you're right? I mean if I knew that the choice I was making was the right one I could make it with no hesitation. But I don't know so I feel like I can't make the decision and if someone doubts it (least of all me) I have to revaluate. And so the cycle continues.

What I find to be even more disgusting and more pathetic is the fact that I know this about myself and yet I do nothing. I attempt to change but let's speak plainly: you either change or you don't change. you do or you don't. there really isn't this hazy grey area of "trying" that people speak of. I don't get an A+ for effort. In fact I just end up where I started. except with less energy, less time, and less will power.

-->growl<--

If only I had a way of knowing the future. arg! I guess I'm out of luck for now. I know people say "it wouldn't be life if it was preordained!" blerg I say! BLERG! it would be nice to know some things; but, yes, I understand their sentiment.



In other news I was looking at prices and care for alpacas!! they are the cutest things!! I also found out that there is totally an alpaca farm in louisiana!! fo' sho!!